What Happens at the First Match Meeting? A Surrogate + Intended Parent Walkthrough

You said yes to the profile. They said yes to yours. The next step is the first match meeting — a 60- to 90-minute video call that, in our experience, decides whether a match becomes a match more often than any document ever does.

This post walks through exactly what to expect, from both sides of the screen, and what makes a meeting feel like the beginning of a real partnership versus a polite interview that doesn't lead anywhere. If you're earlier in the process, our step-by-step surrogacy process for intended parents covers what comes before this moment.

Who's on the Call

• The surrogate (and her partner, if she has one)
• The intended parent(s)
• The OFG match coordinator (host and gentle facilitator — never an interrogator)
• Optional: a licensed counselor on standby for either party

The First 10 Minutes: Names, Not Numbers

We always start with introductions that have nothing to do with surrogacy. Pets. Kids. Hobbies. Where you grew up. The point is to remind everyone on the call that the room is full of people, not parties to a contract.

The Middle 30-40 Minutes: The Real Conversation

This is where the prepared questions come out. Some examples we always make sure get asked:

From the surrogate

• What kind of relationship do you imagine during pregnancy? Daily texts? Weekly calls? Quarterly check-ins?
• How involved do you want to be at appointments?
• What does "after the baby is born" look like for you in 6 months? In 5 years?
• How do you feel about my partner and kids being part of this?

From the intended parents

• How does your family feel about the journey?
• How do you handle stress during pregnancy?
• What's your gut feeling on selective reduction or termination if a medical issue arises? (This must match what's in the legal agreement.)
• If we live in different time zones, what's the best way for us to stay close?

From the coordinator (us)

• The hard questions both parties were too polite to ask — gently surfaced.
• The values and expectations alignment check we do every time. Communication preferences, termination clauses, the level of contact post-birth — we name them out loud so nothing important lives only in someone's head.

What's Off-Limits

• Negotiating compensation. Money has already been settled before the call. The match meeting is for humans, not numbers.
• Pressure of any kind. No one says yes on the call. We always send both parties to "sleep on it" with a 48-hour decision window.
• Medical history beyond what's in the profile. If something specific comes up, the coordinator pauses and we share follow-up info offline.

How to Know It's a Fit

The clearest signal isn't agreement on every detail. It's whether disagreement feels safe. If you can say "I'd prefer fewer check-ins than that" and the other side leans in instead of pulling back, that's a match. If the conversation feels like dancing on eggshells, it isn't — and that's also valuable information.

What Happens After

Both parties privately tell their coordinator yes, no, or "I'd like another call." If both say yes, we move to legal contracts — the formal Gestational Surrogacy Agreement — and the journey officially begins. If either side says no, we explain warmly to the other party and start identifying the next possible match. No hard feelings are ever necessary; the right match is the right match.

For Surrogates: How to Prepare

• Write down 5 questions ahead of time. You will forget them in the moment otherwise.
• Have your partner present if you can. Their gut read matters.
• Have water, a snack, and tissues nearby. These calls can be emotional in a good way.
• Wear what makes you feel like yourself, not what you think a surrogate should wear.

For Intended Parents: How to Prepare

• Re-read the surrogate's profile the morning of the call.
• Have one specific question from her profile ready — something that shows you read it carefully.
• Be honest about your timeline expectations, not optimistic.
• If you have a partner, decide in advance who answers which kind of question. You don't need to split it 50/50.

Related reading on this site:

• 10 Questions Every Woman Should Ask Before Becoming a Surrogate
• How to Choose a Surrogacy Agency
• The Emotional Side of Surrogacy Nobody Talks About